Sunless Tanning Gone Wrong

I’m about as fair skinned as they come. In fact, there are several face powders called “translucent,” and that pretty much describes me.

Over the years, and I mean as early as age 13, I experimented with sunless tanning lotions. Once I even got brave enough to go to a tanning bed, but they looked at me and said seven minutes MAX! I also tried the spa’s spraying chamber, but that was 6 seconds of torture that yielded “hide in the closet for a few days” results. I’ve picked up Jergen’s Daily Glow for the past 10 summers, usually keeping up with it for just a few days. All over application is time consuming with any sunless tanner you use, and when you have to get dressed and take care of 7 kids, it becomes more of a chore than that faux sun kissed glow is worth.

This summer, on the evening of July 3rd, I decided to fake tan for the first time of the season. But instead of going with a subtle, build as you go product like Jergen’s, I decided to up my game with an expensive brand. St. Tropez Advanced Bronzing Mousse. The tan deepens the longer you leave it on, for up to three hours. The lady who helped me select a product from their vast assortment of tanners was also very fair skinned. She said she used the product regularly, but did it at night and washed in the morning. So I bought an application mit, the mouse, and headed home with high hopes. I was going boating for the 4th of July, and I was going to be a bronzed goddess!

I meticulously applied. It took FOREVER. I was careful not to get dressed for awhile (no kids were home). Then went to bed…

At about 3 a.m., I woke up to use the restroom. Excited to see my tan, I turned on the lights and… screamed.

One leg, the entire calf, to be exact, was as white as ever. The rest of me was dark.

Seriously?! This crap only happens to me. Now what?! I woke up my husband and told him July 4th was canceled this year. He laughed hysterically and went back to sleep. I had one hour to get ready and a two hour or so drive to the lake. So, I showered and redid that portion of my leg. What else was I supposed to do but hope for the best at this point?

Fortunately, all worked out and my random white leg caught up with the rest of me.

But… I’m a glutton for pain and redid it last week. This time I waited about 4 hours and then showered. Nothing. No color at all. A few streaks of bronze here and there but that was it.

My review? I’m returning the product as soon as possible and picking up some trusty Jergen’s on the way home.

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